As journalists, our alluring career choice allows us to travel the world year-round, interviewing important public figures and the occasional celebrity. While gaining notoriety from our in-depth investigative pieces uncovering the scandals of corruption, and injustices that plague society today. With the power and influence to ignite positive change in the world; the 9-5 life isn’t for us. We want adventure, we want whimsy, and we want coffee.

This is the vision that drew us to journalism. In reality, we will probably spend the next 40 years working in a corporate office writing clickbait or ad copy.

University journalism programs are diverse. With a focus on the mass media in print, television, radio, and the internet, it is an umbrella term for many disciplines in the field, from public relations, broadcast journalism, communication studies, freelance writing, investigative journalism, to social media, photojournalism, and news reporting.

This medley leads to a unique classroom dichotomy.

We are journalists, which, by definition makes us narcissists. We pride ourselves as contemporary butterflies. But if my journalism degree has taught me anything (besides learning the correct way to use an Oxford comma) it’s that every journalism student can fit into one of these caricatures.

The PR Maven

She is pursuing public relations because she idealized Samantha Jones glamourous lifestyle on Sex in the City, which she religiously watched in middle school. Dreaming of lavish restaurant openings, cocktail-fueled power lunches, and promoting banquets for the newest and hottest clubs.

She is always put together, even for an 8:30 a.m. class. You will never see her with so much as a chip in her acrylics. Her meticulously curated Instagram boasts thousands of followers. Showcasing group pics of her and her bikini-clad sorority sisters on spring bring in Havasu, birds-eye views of bottomless mimosa Sunday brunches, and #OOTD’s with motivational quotes as captions. She also has a lifestyle blog, where you can find her fav sangria recipes, makeup tutorials, and the occasional #sponcon.

The ~Investigative~ Journalist

You can find him on campus with a voice recorder and reporters notebook in hand, cause, ya never know when #breakingnews is going to strike. Blissfully unaware of his own pretentiousness, he has Thesaurus.com is bookmarked on his web browser to make his blog posts more articulate. When he’s not listening to NPR or reading David Foster Wallace, he is listening to The National on his over-priced headphones that his mom got him for Christmas.

He spends his weekends hanging out in gentrified dive bars downtown arguing about how, in fact, Naked Lunch is not William S. Burroughs best body of work. He exclusively drinks rye whiskey neat, not because he likes the taste, but because he thinks it’s what distinguished people drink. Now, I’m not saying that the prescription on his signature thick-rimmed glasses are fake, but one could infer that he could probably get by without them.

The Sports Reporter

He is the bro of the journalism world. He pairs his Adidas Slides with socks, basketball shorts, and his university hoodie. He never appears sloppy, but cool and effortless. He is charismatic, likable and talks about sports with the same passion and gusto that I have when talking about bean and cheese burritos. His high school superlative was ‘Most Likely to Fall Asleep,’ which, hasn’t really changed much.

He banters with the cool professor about March Madness in-between class and has Very Strong Steph Curry opinions. Him and his best friend, who is also an aspiring sports reporter, are in all the same classes. They used to ride around campus in those hoverboards before they got banned. He is popular on Snapchat.

The Entertainment Tonight Host

Who knew there were so many young ingenues after Giuliana Rancic’s job? This entertainment journalist in-training is naturally attractive, but unlike her glamazonian PR Maven counterpart, she mostly shows up to class with her hair tousled in a messy bun and Lululemon leggings. She spruces herself up when she is hosting her weekly campus news show where she tackles riveting matters such as campus snack policies and Taylor Swift.

She watches the Oscars Red Carpet religiously but skips the ceremony because she hasn’t actually seen any of the movies that are nominated. Instead, she binge-watches Pretty Little Liars or Shonda Rhimes television dramas on her ex-boyfriends Netflix account, which she still has the password for.

The Bernie Bro

He keeps his copy of The Communist Manifesto close to his heart, beneath his trademark denim jacket that is embellished with a Hammer and Sickle patch and Sleater Kinney pins. He dreams of being published in Jacobin. For now, he writes long-form think pieces about how unfairly the mainstream media treats Stalin. He refers to the cool professors as his comrades.

He prides himself on his activism, but, really only shows up for the occasional protest as long as it doesn’t interfere with that week’s newest segment of the Chapo Trap House podcast. His Twitter feed is filled with leftie memes and political hot-takes. The Bernie Sanders bumper sticker on his 90’s Volkswagen Golf is faded and weary, but he will keep it on as long as capitalism hasn’t been toppled.

The Wunderkind

Unapologetically type-A, she is the president of her universities SPJ chapter, the editor-and-chief of the student newspaper, and member of student council, all while maintaining her 4.2 GPA. Think of Tracy Flick, IRL. Her sacred daily planner is more organized than a lobby in the private sector, every minute of her day is accounted for, it’s filled to the brim with color-coated post-it notes, and sprinkled with the occasional Diane Sawyer quote when she needs #inspo.

She spent a year abroad, but not somewhere trendy like Prague or Barcelona. Instead, she volunteered in Ghana, helping domestic abuse victims get shelter. She wants to be a journalist because she genuinely wants to make the world a better place. She already has a job lined up when she graduates, thanks to her well-connected Linkedin page.

The Token Conservative

Let’s be real here, most journalism students are liberal, it’s in our blood. But there’s always that one kid in each class. Yeah, you know who I’m talking about. He’s always monopolizing the class discussions with his diatribes about how taxation is theft or challenging the academic institution for being too liberal and biased.

He voted for Gary Johnson in the last election, thus he lauds himself more intelligent than a Trump supporter. He’s an atheist, pro-drugs, and pro-choice, he also clings to the Second Amendment with the same fervor of Trump holding onto his hairpiece. You’ve heard him say on more than one occasion, “I’m not racist, but…” He thinks that people who need safe spaces are pussies. You can hear him rant about it on his guerrilla podcast.

The “I Like Art” Type Girl

She runs an aesthetic Instagram page which features vintage pictures of flowers and abstract selfies emphasizing her dainty facial features. Her Tumblr page is filled with poetry and lyrics of obscure dream pop bands. She puts a lot of consideration into her normcore wardrobe, it seems effortless, but that’s kind of the point.

She wants to be a journalist so she can write about art and feminism. She doesn’t participate in class discussions unless it’s to say “here” during role-call. As a self-proclaimed ‘Shy Girl,’ she spends each semester quieter than a Kanye fan after a politically fueled Twitter rant. She often takes to social media to complain about how #basic all of the other girls in her journalism program are.

The Kid Who Kinda Just Fell Into It

Two years into his college career after having dipped his toes in every discipline the school has to offer, his guidance counselor looks at him sternly and says: “it’s time for you to pick your major.” Indecisive and faltering, he looks around the room and see’s a copy of Time on his counselor’s desk, “uh, journalism… I suppose.”

As fate would have it, writing is a natural skill for him. Just like the first time LeBron James picked up a basketball, that initial keyboard stroke was serendipitous. Like finding a free Chipotle coupon the day before it expires, everything suddenly fell into place.

He is the first and only student to be published student that semester. He has a below average GPA because he knows he doesn’t have to try so hard.

20 years later, he is on the New York Times payroll, while the rest of us are stuck writing listicles for Modern Cat Magazine, because, we all can’t be Giuliana Rancic and still have all those damn student loans to pay.